TMI Thursday: More Shit Than You Can Shake A Stick At

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!   Check out more posts here!

So this isn’t so much a TMI post as it is HORRIFICALLY/ABSOLUTELY disgusting in my book because I had to clean it up.

Let me preface this by stating that Zac is gone all week and I was/am so overwhelmed by just taking care of two dogs (namely Loki because he is like 3 dogs in one).

Tuesday morning, I woke up early to let our doggie children outside to potty and then fed them.  Then I let them crawl back into bed with me to snuggle for another 30 glorious minutes of sleep.

This was followed by me getting dressed for work, giving them both treats and attempting to jury rig the bedroom door so they don’t escape during the day and pee or poop in the house. This consisted of me taking Loki’s nylon leash, putting the handle part over the door knob and pulling it tight and tying it to the railing. I even pushed on the door and it didn’t open.

[I should also mention that the same day, I dropped my brand new Blackberry in the toilet at work.... and it died...so I spent 2 hours at the Verizon store in Tyson's trying to get a new one.]

FAIL.

When I got home, both dogs greeted me at the door. Then it hit me.

This HORRIBLE, RANCID smell… of SHIT. I looked around and didn’t see anything at first.. so I thought maybe one of the dogs farted, cuz their farts are pretty disgusting… as I ventured farther into the house I saw it.. I literally almost passed out and vomited at the same time.

Let’s draw a picture of what the house looks like sans disaster… the walls aren’t ugly colors anymore, now they are a light khaki color (because these colors are hide0us) and all the mess is gone…

Picture of new walls and… shit… everywhere.. EVERYWHERE!!!

This picture doesn’t do justice to the amount of Diarrhea Shit I found ALL over the upstairs… there were paw prints where the dogs had stepped in it ALL over the carpeting  in the house.

The smell made me want to throw up… the shit piles extended all the way to the bathroom door where the BIGGEST pile was sitting, right on front.. 3 inches away from tile.. on the CARPET. Couldn’t he have taken 1 more step and pooped on the tile?!?!? It would have been sooo much easier to clean up!!!

Then right next to the giant pile of shit on my carpet… was a steaming turd, that had ever so graciously been placed about 1 foot up onto the wall, and slid down, all the way to the carpeting and gotten smooshed into the crown molding and carpet strips…

To top the Sundae of shit that is my life- Loki even peed in the bathroom, all over my bath mat and shirt that was lying on the floor…

I started crying…  A LOT. We are renting and I do NOT want to pay to replace this shitty ass carpeting… nor did I want to clean it up.

I called my mom crying, trying to hold back the urge to punch a giant hole in the wall, to vent. She kind of laughed at me and the fact that I was soo distraught by this occurrence. Mombled some “I told you so’s” and told me to go buy a wet vac…

After I spent an hour and a half picking up giant running piles of rancid shit with paper towels, I went to Target and bought a Spot Bot wet Vac. Best investment ever!

I placed that thing on top of each staining pool of shit, hit the button and it automatically cleaned each spot for me.

I had to constantly move it, and scrub in some spots.. but 4 hours later, I got it all up…

And I didn’t even throw up once!

So this was my Tuesday evening. Spent cleaning up more shit than I have ever seen in one sitting.

Now Loki stays in his crate while I am at work… I DO NOT EVER want to come back to the house and find ANYTHING like this again.

The end.