Ugh. Zac is going to be gone all week for a work trip and I am stuck with two crazy children dogs who are extremely needy!
Who wants to meet me for drinks somewhere some time this week?!?!?! (Preferably Silver Spring because I tend to get lost anywhere/everywhere else except Tyson’s.)
Or come over for dinner and drinks?! I suck at cooking for less than 4 people…
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s! Check out more posts here at Lilu’s site!
[Editor's Note: This post is full of potty-mouthness....enjoy!]
FAMILY PLEASE DON’T READ. Sister? You are ok….
Freshman year of college, I shared my room with a girl I had known in high school. We will call her L.
L was very conservative, had never drank before, was in the school Color Guard, and wasn’t one for partying too much.
-I- on the other hand, was the polar opposite. I had my first drink at 14 and many after.. but I wasn’t crazy about it.
I had been trying for weeks to get her to come to a party with me. She would always say “I don’t want to be pressured into drinking. I don’t drink!” She also complained about how she would feel uncomfortable since she didn’t know anyone. I constantly reassured her that yes, some people are persistent when it comes to drinking and doing things you don’t want to do, but my friends weren’t like that. They might pick on you a little or something, but it was always in good fun, and when it came down to it, if you REALLY didn’t want to do something they would leave you alone.
FINALLY she decided to come to one party with me. We got dressed and waited for our ride. I could tell she was super nervous to be going somewhere totally out of her comfort zone, but I was so proud of her for doing it! When we got there I introduced her to everyone I knew. I wanted to make sure she didn’t feel left out and that she would meet some new people.
Boy did she! A guy even! [I'd also like to point out that she had never done anything with a guy before] At one point in the party, I asked L if she wanted something to drink. She said yes, so I poured her some jungle juice and warned her of the unnoticeable potency of such a drink… also of the terrible sugar hangover she would get the next morning if she drank too much of it.
L took her first ever drink of alcohol, and was hooked the rest of the night. She must have had 10 or 12 big red cups full.
Sometime later during the party we lost each other. Someone told me she had left, and she had a guy with her. So I called her on her cell. No answer.
I figured she would call me back, she didn’t, so I continued having fun anyway. Around 1am I decided I needed to get back to campus to get some sleep so I would actually wake up for class the next day. Responsible right?!
When I got to our dorm room, I could see the light on under the door, and I heard music playing. I knocked hard on the door, but no one answered, so I slowly opened it and walked in.
L and the guy were making out on her bed.
They immediately seperated and sat up on the bed as if they weren’t doing anything. I said hi, and told L I was going to go to sleep. She asked me if I cared if the guy stayed, and I said no. They put in a movie, and I got ready for bed.
I climbed into bed and immediately passed out.
About an hour later, I awoke to strange noises. Sex noises? I was scared to look to my left, where L’s bed was. Afraid of what I might see.
But I looked.
I’m gross like that.
L was moaning with pleasure, guy was smacking her ass and doin her doggy style. They were both in their birthday suits.
L started talking EXTREMELY dirty, using words I thought Jesus had never taught her.
“Fuck me hard baby. Pound me in my tight, sweet, virgin pussy. Oh yea. Fuck me. Come on. Harder! HARDER! Pop my cherry HARD baby!”
I could hear guy forcing himself into her deeper and deeper. All those sex squishes and squirts. I almost wanted to vomit. But I couldn’t stop watching. They never noticed I had awoken, and the tv was off, so the room was completely dark.
Guy pulled out of her and instructed her to go stand in front of a chair at the desk. MY desk. MY chair. She obediently obeyed, and guy followed her. He sat his HAIRY white ass down on MY desk chair and she straddled him. She began to ride him, her tits bouncing up and down as he told her how sexy her curly red hair was. How sexy her tits were as they hit him in the face when she bounced up and down.
Why am I still watching and not ending this grossness? I have no idea.
Guy stood up with L still on his lap and carried her over to her bed.
“I want to do you in the ass.” He said.
L politely declined. But he persisted.
“Come on Red, it wont hurt. I promise. You will LOVE it.”
“Ok.” She said, and presented herself.
Guy licked her ass for what seemed like forever. “Ready?” He asked.
He slipped into her and began to pound her hard.
He told her he was about to cum, and he immediately pulled out of her ass, and began walking over to my bed.
I was mortified. As he was jerking off, he pointed his dick right at my face.
“Do it!” L screamed.
It started to squirt out towards my face…
…and then I woke up abruptly. For real this time. I sat up immediately in my bed and looked to my left.
L and guy were still sitting on her bed starting intently at me with mortified looks on their faces. The tv was still on and the movie wasn’t even 20 minutes in.
“Erica, I think you were having a bad nightmare.” L told me. “You were saying some pretty freaky stuff… about sex!” She whispered.
Guy smiled at me and excused himself from the evening. He and L exchanged numbers and he promised he would see her again.
He never did.
I will never forget the looks on their faces when I woke up from my nightmare. I wonder how much of the dream I was vocalizing….
L would never tell me about it.
Talking in my sleep always gets me into trouble!
Our new doggie child Loki is adjusting well. He is trying to be the Alpha in the family, so we have to constantly correct him. He is catching on quickly though.
Loki and Oz share some cute moments of tug-o(of?)-war and stepping on mommy’s face and daddy’s nether regions.. but its fun? cute? Maybe just irritating.. but you can’t get mad at them because when they look at you with their sad pouty eyes, your heart melts and your mouth starts spewing out adjectives you associate with homo.. Oh that’s so darling! OMG he is so effing cute! AWWW Look at his pouty wowty wittle facey wacey!
Loki also likes to burrow. Especially on the bed. My bed. With clean white sheets and now dirty (but cute!) paw prints. He climbs up, steps on my face a couple times… stomps on my throat.. then proceeds to stick his head under the blanket and burrow down to the bottom of the bed. He curls up in a little ball and “sleeps” for ohh about .000003 seconds, then stands up and comes bounding towards my head again with his giant tongue sticking out and licks me while he stomps my face some more.
…Obedience classes start September 9th… September 9th… Almost time…
I still love them both. When they are calm, Oz and Loki are giant snuggle bunnies (awww so cutey wootey!). I like the snuggling. Especially because the face/nut stomping stops and I don’t have to hear Zac shriek in pain as often.
Zac made them a page on his website. Check them out!
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