TMI Thursday: If a tree falls in the woods…

…and no one is around to see it- do the other trees laugh at it??

So I have never written a post for TMI Thursday’s..but I love reading them! And I never write because I really can’t think of anything embarassing or sucky that happened to me… In college, I was always the one reminding everyone ELSE of the stupid and gross things they did…

If my memory would like to come back to me now and remind me of those things, please do so…

But earlier today.. I remembered an “incident” involving myself back in 9th grade..

I shall share…

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!*** See other posts here!

I had the pleasure and privelage of growing up with a parent in the military. [Thanks Dad!] One of my most favorite places to be stationed was Naples, Italy.

If you haven’t been- you should go.

Anywhore. Being that we lived and went to school on a housing installation (or base/compound/prison like place where you can leave at your own free will but shouldn’t because there is NOTHING within walking distance except highways and a pot farm), there wasn’t much to do for entertainment except various after/during school activities.

My choice? Naval Junior Reserve Officer’s Training Corps (NJROTC).

yea I dunno either. I guess cuz everyone else was doing it. (Our school was SMALL. Like graduating class of 60 people small.)

But it was fun… gave me something to do on weekends.. and gave me a whole half a day of school every day to wear a tight, uncomfortable, unflattering uniform, and march around outside in the hot sun.

I digress. Said day of “Incident” was Promotion day. Everyone in ROTC got together in the cafeteria (uniforms and all) and stood in formation within our platoons…Like zeees:

We will pretend that the little red guy on the far right in the second row back is me. K?

So we are standing in formation for like EVER in Parade Rest.
If you look at the knees, they appear to be stretched straight out, not bent at all. Well. That is the WROOONG way to stand. You MUST MUST MUST bend your knees when standing in formation for extended periods of time.

Why? You might ask? Because if you lock your knees, it can cut off the blood circulation to the rest of your body and it can cause you to inevitably pass out.

Guess what my little red Lego man did?! He locked his knees!

Although I’m pretty sure I was bending them every once in awhile.. You are supposed to stand still so as not to draw attention to yourself.. So while we are waiting for those Cadet’s who were getting promotions to get pinned, I was locking my knees and thinking about how embarassing it would be if I just happened to pass out that day.

Well folks- I did. I could feel it coming. My ears started ringing LOUDLY, my eyes went BLACK and I began to tumble forward into the other little red lego man standing in front of me, who happened to be my friend Chris who SAID he tried grabbing me as I plowed into him and fell flat on my face.. but I still don’t believe him.

Aaaanyway! I bit it. HARD. I remember hearing the Gunnery Seargeant and the platoon leaders yelling “BEND YOUR KNEES! BEND YOUR KNEES!” To all the other cadets as I fell to my demise.. but it was too late for me.

The next thing I remember is I am laying on a couch in the ROTC room, UPSTAIRS on the THIRD friggen floor of the school, with a cold rag on my forehead, and a searing pain in my lower facial region. I was also laying down next to a REALLY hot guy who was one of the Platoon Leaders or some other rank I don’t remember (he was keeping an eye on me)…  I. was. mortified.

The Gunnery Seargeant was squatting in front of me yelling at  me to wake up and looking at me like I had just eaten his baby child– with sincere concern for my well being of course.

I sat up quickly, but got really dizzy and had to lay back down… The GS was telling me about what had happened and mentioned that HE was the one who carried me upstairs and put me on the couch… 2 hours ago… 2 FRIGGEN HOURS AGO. I couldn’t believe I had passed out in front of the whole school pretty much and had been laying on the couch for 2 hours..

I talk in my sleep. I wonder if I said anything bad…

So for the rest of the school year I wasn’t allowed to stand in formation for a long time because GS was afraid I woul dpass out again (I was also kinda teacher’s pet).. so he made me do stupid things like video tape it, and other boring demeaning crap.

And I gained a nickname out of it all.

Timber.

Aha. It’s funny right? Cuz I’m uber tall and was really skinny then? Like a tree? Like a tree falling in the woods?? No.

Not funny. When my family found out- they called me Timber too…

So for two years I had to walk around with the nickname Timber. People would recount the story and add in the Tiiiiiimmmbeeeerrrrrrrrrrr sound effect when they would describe me falling into Chris and smashing my face on the nasty cafeteria floor.

I also broke off a chunk of chin bone upon contact with the concrete floor.. I can still feel it too. It’s gross.

That is MY embarassing story.. Every once in awhile my mom will call me Timber just to remind me of old times when I didn’t have a sense of humor and was extremely critical of myself…

Now I just laugh about it…

I will have to find a picture of how goofy I looked dressed up in our Dress Blues.. it was terrible.