So working in the type of environment I do, I meet on average about 20 new people a day. Sometimes WAY more. So it is safe to say I shake a lot of hands.
But sometimes these handshakes turn out ugly, awkward or are just plain “ohmygodineedtogosoakmyhandsinbleachnow”.
What IS the proper way to give a handshake? Should it be firm and last a couple seconds? Should it be a soft touch with just the finger tips? Should it last for awhile while your hands hang their limply? When letting go, should either person run their hand down the other’s slowly until their fingertips touch as they pull away?? Should you shake someone’s hand when yours are cold, clammy, wet or sweaty??
These are all questions that run through my head when I shake someone’s hand. Often times, the handshake is the first impression I get of a new person. Sometimes MY handshake is more “manly” if you will, than some men whos hands I shake. It’s just weird.
Here are three of the worst handshakes I have encountered:
The Vice-Grip
This handshake is the most unbearable in my opinion. And you can never tell who is going to grab your hand and squeeze it like a fat kid tryin to squeeze into a pair of leather pants.
Guys are usually guilty of this handshake, but I have met some women who left marks on my fingers they squeezed so hard. This handshake usually seems like it lasts the longest and leaves your fingers white-tipped and sore for a couple minutes after. You have to avoid shaking your hand out when the other person lets go and seething through your teeth- lest you look like a wimp. Just quietly excuse yourself if possible, find somewhere private and scream out the pain.
The Mine Cart Pumper
This handshake often makes you feel like your arm is about to be ripped out of its socket and thrown across the room to a pack of hungry Ligers.
The shaker eagerly takes your hand, grasps your palm and fingers firmly and begins to ferociously shake up and down. This person often holds your hand entirely too long, and what could have been a seemingly pleasant handshake turned wrong, becomes a nightmare and even more awkward that walking in on your parents while they are having sex. It leaves the two of you standing there awkwardly, wondering who should break the handshake first.
After someone takes the high road and ends the awkwardness, you walk away to ice your arm for the next 3 hours.
The Dead Fish
This handshake is the worst first impression giver. The shaker presents a limp, lifeless hand for you to grab. When you grasp their hand and shake up and down, their arm wobbles effortlessly with yours.
A lot of women are guilty of this.. but I have encountered the dead fish more with guys. They usually seem insecure or intimidated. Or maybe its because I have boobs and they’re afraid they might hurt me. Who knows.
So Erica. You ask. What made you think of this really random post??
Well. I shook hands with a guy today and was totally creeped out. He was a mixture of the Mine Cart Pumper and the Vice Grip, mixed with a lot of clammy and and a little creepy. He shook my hand up and down at least 10 times, and then didn’t let go. It kinda dangled there for what seemed like forever, while he looked at my boobs and said something about tattoos because apparently he saw mine this morning. I tried to pull my hand away as soon as I could, but he had a good grip. For fear of seeming rude, I just stood there and smiled… but I wanted to rip my hand away and run. For the rest of the day he hit on me and Boss Lady. He wasn’t sly. Wasn’t coy. Wasn’t nonchalant. Whatever you think he should have been when flirting? He wasn’t.
